far out

We created a 70s art retreat when we went down the coast over Easter. Easter, pagan or christian, is about new life and fertility which is a bit annoying but we had a great time anyway.
(I suppose for some it's also about sacrifice which is even more annoying.)

We have fertile imaginations it turns out. We screen printed amazing, beautiful things and swam in the ocean and drank vodka and cried and laughed. Good to be just us for almost four days straight.

Harder to be in the supposedly real world and deal with other people and the repercussions of a third unsuccessful attempt to have a baby.


I have not been able to blog because of utter despair preventing me from engaging thoroughlly with anything.

I'm kind of ok now. But I think I need a counsellor. I have recently met with a naturopath who was I think also a cousellor - it certainly felt like talking to a counsellor - and I really liked her.

I am very very sceptical about anything ever working ever but I am trying everything anyway. I will get whatever tests done that I can at the hospital recurrant miscarriage clinic (only 4 weeks to go now) and then whatever the naturaopath can do on top of that, test wise, we will do. (She is a fertility specialist and seemed to have a few ideas. They were long term ones.)

I have become open to the fact that it may turn out to be impossible/stupid for me to go ahead and try to make another baby in my body, and that I need to get off the field and see the doc while the hot bird on the bench flies into action. I reckon she'll do great.

I guess we just keep waiting for now. And try to engage with people and...stuff.

I love my girlfriend enormously, so it's good to note that our marriage hasn't been wrecked yet and I'm sorry i didn't think to give her a lift to a train station this morning even though she was a bit sick. She is such a good girl.