recap

It is the end of another year- a time to pat the cat and reflect on one's life. Some big changes may be afoot anytime soon so I think a rundown of what we have been through is in order-save any new readers from scaling back through the blog.

I'll try to keep it snappy:

It all started in-

November 2006- This was before the blog. I was 33. The blog, according to my first entry in April 2007 was to vent my angst. But yes, the journey started here. We started the very first insems with our friend and Donor Dad (DD). Then I got pregnant, like, immediately and life was ring-a-ring-a-rosy. (It was seriously as though I had a pocket full of posies.)

January 2007- Then I had a miscarriage at ten weeks. It was unspeakably shit-awful. KT180 and I looked after each other so much and our relationship strengthened a fuckload. All three of us would-be-parents were determined to try again asap.

March 2007- We started trying again. (The hospital had told us to wait three months: which is a crock.)

April 2007- This blog was born. Borne of the frustration of trying to determine when I ovulated. God, we spent a lot of money on those wee sticks.

September 2007 – Finally, we got me up the duff again. Not much blogging went on.

October 2007 – Miscarriage number two. This time we were warned by a heartbreaking dating scan at eight weeks that showed a six week foetus and no heartbeat. A couple days later –as planned- I had the miscarriage at home in the middle of the night with KT to soothe me and drug me with stocked up nurofens. My mother had also given us some endone she keeps on hand for such occasions but I didn’t take it in the end. It was the right thing not to go to hospital. Hospital really sucked the first time except I really needed the morphine. This time I was brave as all get out. And very angry.

December 2007 – We started trying again, agreeing I got to have one more go at being pregnant before we switched biological mothers. I did kinesiology and homeopathy to “break the cycle of miscarriage”. I was assured I would be great guns next time. I felt really positive. We were glad to see the back end of 2007.

March 2008- Pregnancy number three.

March 2008-Miscarriage number three at about 5 weeks. Steee-riiike!

April 2008- KT’s parents sent us away for Easter and we discovered the therapeutic benefits of screen-printing. I did most of my clothes.

April 2008- Trying to get investigations underway for me. Took effing forever and came up with no results.

June 2008- By the time thirteen weeks of just sitting around on our arses waiting for an appointment and a result from the miscarriage clinic had passed, and still no answers, we started to think we should start trying to make a baby in KT before one of us died. So we started, and I chilled out for the first time in ages.

July 2008- We did a couple of months of insems with KT until our Donor Dad started acting all weird and distant and took some precious biological time out to think things over. I turned 35.

August 2008- I started fertility treatment with acupuncture and Chinese medicine and the most unbelievably strict elimination anti-candida diet.

October 2008- KT turned 34.

November 2008- Our Donor Dad quit. He changed his mind about being a parent. (Which we thought was just fucken fantastic.)

December 2008-Without further ado we started asking gay men we knew if they wanted to be dads and co-parents. We then started interviewing the ones who were interested. It was the weirdest time ever. We met the lads and found them to be perfect. The most exciting thing about them was that they were enthusiastic about parenting. We were glad to see the back of 2008.

December 2008- KT stopped ovulating altogether from shock and grief.

January 2009- We locked in the lads, M & J. We started hanging out with them and sorting out a lot of business.

February 2009- KT started fertility acupuncture. I stopped fertility acupuncture. KT started the crazy diet. I continued to be her personal chef.

June 2009- We found out that KT is a cystic fibrosis carrier and possibly a polycystic ovary carrier.

July 2009- We found out that M is not a CF carrier. We started inseminating KT. I turned 36.

Aug-Dec- Jizzarama and many negative preg tests. Not sure when or if KT ovulates.

December 2009- We paid to have KT’s fallopian tubes, ovaries and uterus looked at. They were very good. Her ovaries are both polycystic which is a bit of a problem with ovulating but not dreadful. We were able to see the egg that was about to drop on the scan. We were able to predict when it would drop. Possibly worth the five hundred bucks, who can say?

December 2009- We are glad to see the back of 2009, but not in a horrid, hateful way. We're hopeful and happy and hip. And looking forward to the year of the Tiger.

Merry Christmas/New year people. More soon.

xmz

mry xmz readers
we were hoping to tell everyone we were pregnant for xmz but we canne do it.

we visited a friend in hozzie the other day coz she just had a newborn baby. the experience was obviously fabulous and a bit sad, yeh? Yeh. Fair a fucken nuff, you say. But did we get a hold of the baby? No we did not. This was apparently because Das HozPitaal told my friend that they should only let the parents hold the baby. Um..WTF?

What will they tell us when we're in there and we have 4 parents and 150 grannies and aunts and friends? Get fucked..my mum knows almost everything and she reckons the best thing in the world for a baby is for it to be passed around and breathed on and cuddled by all and sundry.

The baby was lovely and I look forward to getting to know it.

A lot of people get a bit funny when they get a baby. Not these above mentioned friends, but there is a thing that happens (do you notice it?) .they become all Nuclear. Any tripe they spouted previously about the baby being one of the community/extended-invented family/it-takes-a-village-to-raise-a-child is forgotten AS SOON AS THE BABY IS OUT OF THEM. Suddenly John Howard Posters get put up in the nursery and the Liberal Party mentality of the nuclear family and the rights of the individual and look out for yourself and yours seeps in under the doors in the night and gets into the aircon.

With some wonderful, glorious exceptions.

my quiche is ready to come out of the oven and i have to put my teaching timesheets in now. toodleoo.

ps i know i have been a bit of a narky dog lately. i am actually in therapy now so hopefully i will cheer the fuck up.

amazing what this cat has seen.

We are starting a little bit to come up with a game plan for not getting a baby out of either of us. It involves going overseas and shit like that. Maybe fostering. We are not giving up- and just quietly a lot of people let go of what they really want and stop clutching and gripping so darn hard and then it comes to them.

I have started to let go -ever so slightly. This is a mental, spiritual practice. Let it be known I am still sucking fresh warm jizz into a five mill plactic syringe at least 10 times a month. Not the syringe I melted on the stove. That has been replaced.

We are also talking about methods, and possibly looking into changing them, but not dramatically. Since I was able to get pregnant so easily a friend suggested if things don't work out getting KT preggas, we get me preggas and then implant KT with the zygote or whatever it would be then before my body rejects it. Now isn't that a great case of making lemonade. We do seem to be lemons in a couple of ways. But actually that idea sounds hard and I'm sick of hard. If we switch to me it will be after I have been prepped and herbed up for several months and hopefully infallible.

You'll notice there have not been many posts in recent months. Some people are terrific writers when they are depressed or down. I am just a snide bitch -a state that adds some colour (blue) to the posts but is generally crap to read. Or I am a boring turd which leeches all colour from the writing and mixes metaphors like a stick blender.

There have been lots of other things happening. Recently I taught a nine year old dwarf improvisation, for example.

boom

every single time i turn on facebook or email or talk to anyone, a new person is pregnant and having baby showers and jumping for joy. every single fucking time. i come home and on my doorstep is a local mag that i never read. it has "BABY BOOM IN THE INNER WEST" all over the front. Well, that explains it. Fabulous.

It's nearly the end of another year

What does this mean? Nothing. Goodbye.

starting a new cycle. rolling along. eating a lot of pizza. crossing a lot of fingers.

melt down

You know when you put something on the stove and then quickly check your emails and facebook? Like, every day, yeah? Yeah well last week I put the 5ml plastic syringe and the specimen jar (you know the ones with the yellow lids) in the little enamal bowl that I have been using to steralise the tools of procreation, with the boiling water -and quickly checked my email and facebook. Somehow, forty five minutes later, there was a terrible burning-of-plastic smell coming from the kitchen. God I wish I had taken a photo.

My new recipe shall be: "Jiz instrument soup".
Half a cup of boiling water, one 5ml syringe, one specimen jar- emptied & washed out but perhaps some jiz residue. Abandon for 45minutes or until the arse has been burnt off the pot and your plastic implements look like a salvidor dali painting.

I am taking the accident as a good sign that we will not need them again.

Have to go now- left something on the stove.

dear broke and confused

Stop blaming others for your situation and get yourself some pink, high gloss lipstick with glitter in it. You'll feel so much better. Also, try that saliva test thing that's out on the market called "maybe baby". It tells you when you're ovulating.

Dolly Doctor

Balls

Dear Dolly Doctor,

My partner's fertility specialist gave us the impression last month that she (my partner, not her fertility specialist) had definitely ovulated. She did this by saying to my parther: "You have ovulated." It seemed like that to me, too, from her temperature charts. So we did no further inseminating -having done three over the time it seemed she was ovulating- and later assumed her period was late for about five bizarre, hopeful, confusing days. Then a different person at the same clinic said "Oh no, you did not ovulate then...you ovulated only two weeks ago...and your period is therefore certain to come...probably tomorrow." And the second person, though annoying, was right. After many, many months of consults and herbs and acupuncture and dieting it seems no progress has been made, what with my partner's cycle still being completely indecypherable and all. Should we keep going to this very exclusive, expensive fertility clinic?

Signed,

Broke and Confused

After sending this off to Dolly Doctor and crying myself (and my beloved) to sleep I awoke with a new resolve: To make sweetie treats. The sweetie treats are within the rules of the fertility diet and I am calling them Spirolina Spheres; but on the name, I am open to suggestion. They are basically a rip-off of Bliss Balls that you can get from the food co-op and health food shops only made with whatever-was-in-my-pantry and spirolina. I am trying to get more spirolina into our diet as it is very high in protein. According to the lable, it has 300% more protein than fish, which KT took pains to explain to me was three times more, so I didn't need the song-and-dance routine so much. But song-and-dance routines need no reason, only rhyme.

Here is what I just made so my beloved can have treats even though she is not pregnant. All the ingredients are organic, so what with the spirolina in them as well I'd say the street value of these would be fitty bucks a gram.

They contain:

Medjool (fresh) dates
Toasted in the oven with a bit of mapes and a bit of olive oil -rice puffs
Shredded dessicated coconut, some of which got toasted also.
Dried Apricots (although if you were in a Shakespeare play they would be called Apricocks.)
Dried Cherries (needed some soaking in hot water first)
Toasted Almonds
Tahini
The cherry soaking water
A tiny squeeze of Orange Juice
Spirolina- two or three teaspoons
Carob Powder-I shook about half the bag in, in the end.

You put it all the big fruity things in a blender, or bit by bit in a blender. Then in a big mixing bowl and wooden spoon everything together till it looks like really thick muddy soil with bits in. Keep most of the rice puffs and coconut aside. Add wet and powdery things as you stir.
Make small balls, roll them in the coconut and rice puffs.

negative

negative test this morning and a slight drop in tempertaure, too.

To cheer ourselves up we had the following for breakfast:

Rice toast with lots of nuttlex
Bosc pears fried in olive oil, grated fresh ginger and maple syrup.

odds on

Whoever started up the rumour that no news was good news was an idiot. If people want to know whether or not we have news, they don't want us to say "no...no news". " Ahh...Good then."
Nevertheless, no news it is, good or bad.

Actually, KT180 is feeling very premenstrual and/or up the duff as we speak. Her period could come in the next few days. We went through this cycle in a blindfolded sort of way. Blindfolded in regard to when and if KT was ovulating and not, I hasten to add, while inseminating. And no, we haven't done a test because she did one last week and it was negative and that is too depressing.

But we will maybe do one in the morning.

If I had to put money down, I'd bet she was pregnant. Because her temperature is still pretty high. But often her temp stays high until the actual day of the period. That could be tomorrow or the next day. So I would only put about ten bucks on it. Any one care to wager?

All that Jizz

Yesterday we did our first insemination (with KT and MA). It went well, as far as these things can go. A bit business-like and a bit funny- as it should be. We have a new technique that we learned from a friend whose father is an IVF specialist and reckons the sperm must stay at body temperature the whole time to reduce the chance of miscarriage by something like 4o%. (I'll check that figure.) This is easy done with those groovy heat packs you get from the chemist while you're getting specimen jars and a 5 ml syringe.

We are not, by any means sure that KT is ovulating, but it was day 15 and there was a dip in her temperature and a rather soft cervix and we thought we'd give it a go. We have been hanging out with MA and JO for seven months and it was certainly time to stop talking about it. Incidentally, MA got results a couple of days ago that he is not a cystic fibrosis carrier so wacko and wack off.

We then thought we wouldn't tell anyone we had started inseminating and then I immediately told someone I hardly know last night. And then I told her not to tell anyone. Who the fek is she going to tell?

Starting to visualise a baby in our arms again.

side down

sorry team...but i'm in a play!!!! and the show is everything right now, and we haven't started doing anything with jiz yet. so let me juz get through opening night tonight and rock the house and then we'll get my woman pregnant. she is going really well with her cycle, btw. we are officially dealing with polycystic ovaries (coz we had things so easy before, the university sent us some obstacles). but we are feeling hopeful, and KT is not eating anything nice and we are putting it out there to the university that donor dad will not be a cystic fibrosis carrier (coz we recently learned that KT is -so we have to be sure that DD is not-coz the university thought those girls have been filthy lezzos for years now and deserve some obstacles).

i don't mean any of that. I don't think the university thinks.I am a crazy MF today. use it on stage, i tell myself...

anyway thanks for your patience. and don't even talk to me about patience...

mothers day

I've been feeling a bit bitter about the whole thing lately. The plans and the waiting and the obstacles KT and I have faced. Well, sad. I was in Myer in Hornsby the other day. Um, I did actually grow up in the old Horner, but that is no reason to go there on a Friday morning at age 35 and look for a mothers day gift. My mother, despite saying clever, witty things like " The good thing about Hornsby is that you can always leave.", insists on going back there monthly to see her old doctor. So I was in Hornsby Myer looking at disgusting dressing gowns and I saw -across the way in the kids section- a sleeveless parker for a two or three year old. It was gorgeous and I wanted to buy it. And a sob came up and a quick tear came out, and then I was fine.

It was ok. I'm ok with this sadness. I think it means I'm alright. It is quite thorough and sometimes productive (unlike the deadening, useless feeling of depression). Sadness of this sort often comes in big shops, I find, like I am a character in a television series. I feel like a "woman". I had a seriously big cry in the knitting section of Liverpool spotlight once. Liverpool is where I was, two and a half years ago, when the first miscarriage started. I spent deathly minutes looking for a medical centre there and talking to a very odd doctor who told me to drive myself home but not to go over any bumps. So I went through a "Nam Flashback" phase whenever I revisited Liverpool for a while there, but I am past that now. The good thing about Liverpool is you can always stage a production of The Leaving of Liverpool.

We went Camping at Easter

And a Fairy Godmother turned up and said "Give me a pumpkin and I will turn it into the biggest tent in the world."

So our tent was the biggest tent in the world and we pitched it by a river and we lived happily ever after.

we are not alone

Obviously. But- just quickly - Me mrs (she's very smart) well, she got in contact with someone who knew some other lezzos who had a baby or two with some other gayboes.

And then, she - me mrs - got in email contact with one of the other lezzos (the smarter one, probably, not the lazy one who probably blogs badly about their adventures but acheives little else) and asked her about her experience with familying with two new people who you only met in order to family. And actually her email (which my mrs forwarded on to me, but she didn't read it aloud...hmmm) was quite insightful and interesting. They are poms, from what I gathered. I think they mentioned Tescos or Double Decker Buses or "heading off darn the offy".

The good lezzo mum said: be up front about everything from the start, basically. Great advice. We are due a proper chat with our boys. And time to start getting things down on paper.

We are having a lovely time with our gaybo dads. I am feeling warmer towards them every time I see them.

We haven't started trying yet. We are thinking of me mrs taking her temp in the morning and handing the thermometer straight to me without looking at it. I will record the temps and chart her cycle. She can therefore stop obsessing/stressing about it and therefore kind of sabotaging it.

I can't bring myself to go into detail about the stress-sabotage relationship. I did, however, write a fucking thesis on it a couple years a fucking go when I first started this blog and I had had one miscarriage and I was trying to get pregnant. So that is where I direct you if you're into reading about pain and frustration. Now I am seeing a very similar thing only it is me Mrs and not me and also we are not pissing hundreds of dollars darn the drain on those fucking ovulation kits that you piss on/up the wall/off the wall/off your face/fucked.

Ambiviland

Its a weird, weird thing that my mrs and I are doing. We had to go out into the world and find people to father our children.To help us make humans. And raise them. Think about that. You have to raise kids with someone but not know them at all till you start. Bloody gruelling time searching and we'll never know if we made the "right" choice in some ways because because because because because.

Because we feel the pressure of two biological clocks.
Because we didn't meet and love these men for fifteen years and consider them family before talking about parenting with them.

We found the lads in the end. And that has been great and also really weird and challenging. We've gone on several dates with them now and had lots of talks about child-rearing and time allocations and stuff. KT wrote everything down on paper and printed everything out 4 times and then we talked about everything again and had some difficult conversations about religion and now we have to print everything out on paper again so everyone is clear. And it can't possibly ever be clear because the whole thing is theoretical because there are no children. And we have no short-hand with these men. And long-hand is so humourless and stressful sometimes.

But the lads got my mother's stamp of approval on Monday night. Major event- the beginning of the introductions. It was a lovely time over at the old lady's house. We didn't talk about children or ovulation or religion and while some things are still up in the air we had a good old fashioned cuppa tea and cat patting session while the old lady made a cushion cover out of an old cardigan. There were some good easy vibes in the room and plently of laughs. They are very generous and lovely guys.

KT is at acupuncture as we speak and maybe they will say something positive like "go for it".
We are talking about going for it next cycle regardless of their permission just to have a practise go. Both of us are probably secretly remembering when we had that first practise go years ago with original Donor Dad and me and I got up the duff like quite a lot of dropped hats. And we are thinking that would be a treat if that happened. Maybe we are thinking that. Maybe we are not.

I.D

Oh BTW here is a photo of me on my recent jaunt to Windy Wellington in case you wanted to know what I looked like now that I am not being so annonymous.

You can even see KT in the reflection of my mirrored shades. She is wearing a sexy mask in preparation for my Oscar nomination, so her identity remains a secret.

It will just be an honour to get a nod, it's not about the gong.

Blog on, aussie, blog on

One of the things about blogs is that people end up perhaps reading them and then you think "shit, people are reading this, I have to alter what I am saying and become heaps self conscious " and I think that's a real shame. I'm not worried about offending anyone, but I would like the opportunity to bitch meanly about people without them being mean back to me. Also one of the things that happens is the writer talks about the blog in this way which is also a bit shit. But you'll have to suck it and you know full well you do it yourself.

COMMUNITY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

The blog Piss on a stick is changing course. No longer will KT180 be an official contributer. I am taking over this blog. She is going to start her own blog, god love her, and keep her annonymity properly cos I am kind of bad at keeping mine and that shouldn't have to affect her/him. I do not know what she intends to do when I become very famous in the next forty years and she is on my arm at the Oscars. We could make her a mask. Like, a sexy one.

I have always been the boss of the blog in my heart so there will be no real major shifts excepts for spelling and punctuation and grammar and sense.

But the wit will remain. Ans the wisdom. And the pith. And the typos.

So rest assured, even though you are much funnier than me, dear reader, that some super reading is coming your way.

This photo is an old photo of my mother. She was really beautiful when she was young. She is still beautiful now, but in an old, hobbledly way. There is no link to the photo and the blog entry. It is the only photo I have on my computer at the moment because even though I just went to New Zealand ( and picked up the accent in 5 days, bro) I havent taken any photos off my camera in ages and this is the photo we are using as the invitation to my mother's 70th birthday party. But you can't come to the party because we have too many people already because my mother is extremely popular and our budget is extremely limited.

No one is pregnant yet. Or even inseminating. I have been consulting the runes, again. They have told me to be patient. I nearly swallowed the remaining bagfull of stones and wandered into the river. Yes, the river.

We are waiting on:

KT's cycle to be slightly more progesterone-ridden

and/or The Will of Heaven

depending on if you are listening to the Acupuncturist or the unswallowed runes.

health food

Hi. I went to see the acupuncturist for the first time in, like, a month. I had been, as I said earlier, I bit of a pig in terms of beer and choc-top icecreams. Oh my god I love beer and choc-top icecreams. Anyway, without having to try real hard, the lovely woman made me feel really damn guilty. And before you say anything I tried to justify it by bunging on the psychological need to kick back or act out or fuck up because I am not , in actual fact, in pre-conception, the other one is. And so if I'm not going to even think about trying to get get preggas till, like, KT has got and stayed pregs and then the little tyke is about 9 months old...well then it's all beer and choc tops for me. Isn't it?

But then she asked me about my emo health and my energy and my stools. And like any bad stool I didn't have a leg to stand on.

my own health

is going doon the toilet day by day. I am drinking like a fish and eating like a chippy.

I am not focusing on getting pregnant so I am wondering why I should keep spending lots of money on fertility treatment and macrobiotic food when I am broke as. I cancelled this fortnight's acupuncture, went to our little choir group and drank vodka. My cycle is not appreciating any of this but my bank account is and my mind is. Fuck it all.

I canna wait till we get a baby out of KT. I am going to squeeze it a lot.

My scottish accent in this morning's audition was excellent. If I get the role I will eat haggis out of method madness.

I did yoga this morning. First in months and months. Feels grand.
We have a plan to hang out with our new dads on the weekend. There is a bit of sperm motility business to discuss but mainly just a hang out session. I want to feel safe and comfortable with them and that is going to take a little time and a little effort. I am studying the scottish accent a little, not because of the laddie daddie but for some short play I am hoping to be in soon, but it really is helping in terms of him, too. His accent is borderline impenatrable - i love it - and it is nothing like the scottish accent I've always bunged on. His accent is so...so...
so chunky you could carve it. Sorry. i couldne leave it there, it was begging to be said. He's from Glasgow.

KT180 is getting through this current warm up cycle -it's proving to be a good one in terms of optimum fertility health and I'm sure the tiny bit of chocolate she ate during an Eight Hour Shakespeare Play on the weekend was entirely necessary and also incredibly helpful. And then after that, god help us, we will get some jizz up her.

YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.!

And then there were 4

We had a lovely breakfast with the lads and cemented our plan to have babies with them. It feels wonderful and strange. Somehow, some of the time, now that there are actual fathers- to- be involved, and two of them at that, I feel all territorial and want me and KT180 to be the only two parents. It is an unworthy thought that I don't pay much heed to, obviously. It's just there, selfishly popping up sometimes. I mean obviously it is a really idiotic thought but also emotionally it is unhelpful. It's just I'm getting used to these guys and we hardly know them. Which is freaky, you have to admit.

They are off to do all the requestite (help me to spell that someone) tests with their jizz and blood and then we'll talk more, hopefully about how much contact there is with a brand-newborn baby who is breast feeding, so no-one feels there was anything left nsaid, and then we'll intriduce them to our families.

A decision

We're going with the original and v. keen to be dads lads. I spoke to the lovely dark horse finally and he and his co-horse are intersted in parenting but not ready for at least a year. Or 18 months. You might say with a rye-bread smile that kt180 and I are ready now. We had a nice chat and wished each other well. I'm pretty much on par with this as a reality now, as in equal to it and not so much with the railing against it. Timing is someting we gotta trust. But it's taken some extra Ekhart Tolle reading to get there.

The lads (one is scottish so i think I'm allowed to call thm that) are having us over on Sunday and It feels right to rock up ready to do business, rather than stop parenting discussions with them in their tracks just coz someone we got a bit superficially excited about was on the cards. It was always going to be a bit weord and confusing, finding someone to father our children and spread the net so wide. We spoke to two other men a little before Christmas, and things might have gone it either of those directions, too, if we'd headed further down those paths, but we never. We went this way. Hard to say what's the best thing but we liked the way the lads were ever so happy about meeting us (they initiated contact from our calling all cars message in a gay-parenting newsletter and they want a family a lot). Also they are happy, positive, flexible and smart and ready to go now. Nitty gritty stuff like parenting styles and finances have been touched upon and all seems easy enough to negotiate so far. There is much compatibility.Things will be discussed further on Sunday.

So sperm is becoming available, pending the sunday confirmation, and hopefully kt180 is getting back on track after a long holiday to producing eggs. She has been strict as bro with her elimination diet and having a lot of acupuncture and magic tablets, and things are looking better. Still a bit of stuff to happen but we'll see in a week or so.

bye for now.

Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne!

I think today is feeling better. Like a tiny crack in the wall in front of us has appeared. A crannied hole or chink, even. That the water is seeping through and wearing away further. In fact in a couple of places at once.

We got some loooong awaited cash this morning, thank fuck. And I am working this week and next, teaching little kiddies how to "do drama". It makes the world go round.

AND...another contender appeared-finally-on the scene of our daddy-drama. A late entry, a dark horse, a held-out for hope. So far we have only played phone-tag, which is average, but it wouldn't be that good of a drama if we spoke straight away, and said, like, hey. hey. let's make some babies. yeah, let's. 'kay, cool. cool. deal.

Also, to up the stakes (dunno who is writing this show but they are good), we have a meeting on Sunday with the other contenders, a couple of great lads who we really really like and pretty much were choosing, and now this dark horse and his boyfriend finally contact us about 6 weeks after we emailed them,, and it's going to be a photo fucking finish i think.

Thanks, courteous wall: Jove shield thee well for this!