gay your life must be

there is a kookaburra living in the park opposit the house. this is not it . this is a stuffed one i saw at the museum. i think kookaburras are my favorite bird. i like really obvious things like mozart is my favorite composer and picasso is my favorite painter.

anyway the kookaburra is young and alone and living on the street in the inner city. he doesn't know how to laugh properly. we hear him every morning doing that run-up laugh they do, but it never starts up, fully fledging, so to speak into the hearty cackle. KT thinks it needs to hear others to copy. She thinks we could get a recording of one and play it. I did actually take a photo of it but it was not very good. Maybe it's depressed.

All well on the preggas front.. As of yesterday KT is more pregnant than I ever was. We are glad to be passed that milestone and looking forward to the eleven week mark in a couple days and discussing names with the boys. Wish us luck with that.

Twenty Ten

My Mrs is Ten Weeks up the duff today. It's still in there and we even saw the little tacker. ( I almost said blighter which is not the best of choices). We saw the now "foetus" a week and two days ago and it has a heartbeat. KT and the two Dads were there too so it was really crowded in the little dark room and therefore didn't take much for me to flood it with tears. I had been a wee anxsty in the lead up let me let you. My history of scans is appalling, bloody awful. It is riddled with comments like No, that's not an eight week foetus, more like six and I'm sure it's just at a funny angle; sometimes they get camera-shy and I might just see if the Doctor is available to come talk to you and I can't really see the hearbeat.

So when we saw the heartbeat straight away it was a good start. But what I wanted to hear was That is for shizzle an eight week foetus. And what we got was 8 weeks 5 days. So I bathed the room and everyone in it with my relief. I know it's only rock and roll, but I like it.

Last night I went to my twenty year school reunion. I told everyone of my impending motherhood. That was huge fun. People were totally excited and gorgeous. Lot of babies born of that year. An average of eleven per old-girl. Quite a few miscarriages among them too. Hadn't seen most of the women there for twenty years. Everyone said I was exactly the same. I denied it.

So now we crawl to the second tri and see if we can score a field goal. I shouldn't do sport talk, I know.

7 weeks

Everything's going well. The progesterone levels were in the zone of early pregnancy and since then there have been many signs and symptoms to support the theory that we have a good pregnancy on our hands. The boobs thing is pretty cool, for a start. But it is somewhat undercut by the fact that KT is running at about four hundred and thirty degrees, due to the progesterone, which means that on a warm day I cannot touch my girlfriend. Really cannot touch her. She's like a super hero and her thing is heat. Hotgirl, they call her.

-"Help, my bed is comfortable, my sheets are fresh and cool and I'm nearly falling asleep!! Who can I turn to? Who will save me?"

-"Never Fear, Hotgirl is here to save the day and/or night. Just stay calm and still while I snuggle up to you and set you and the whole bed alight. That should keep you awake."

-"Thanks Hotgirl. Say, can you iron my shirt for tomorrow with your bare hands?"

-"No I'm too tired to move. My powers are confined to snuggling, radiating heat and getting rid of any pesky foodstuffs around the house or suburb."

and scene.

pregnant

KT180 is pregnant. We have managed to get her over the line. Six weeks in at the moment. The crying that came out of me when I saw the two lines. What a blissful christmas we had. We did another test on christmas morning just to be sure. It was also positive.

During the last week which has included telling family and a few close friends and a lovely NYE, KT has had some pain and one proper episode of dark (not fresh) spotting, and several follow up episodes of dark brown (old) blood (tiny amounts) in the mucus. We have had several heart attacks and went up to the hospital and got her bloods tested. Later that day we got the hCG levels back and they were fine. This is the pregnancy hormone and she had 25,000 somethings of it-which was consistent with a 6 week preg. But we went on the morning of NYE and nobody was working and we couldn't get a scan and although we also got the progesterone tested it is now the 3rd of january and we still don't know her levels. Progesterone is damn important and if the levels are low then we could maybe do something about it but not if we wait much longer and, like, we got the blood taken last year.

So we have confined ourselves to bedrest (important for the partner to rest a lot too) and videos. A friend came to visit the slightly nervous mothers-to-be yesterday and reccommended we hire out Junebug. Amy Adams is pregnant throughout the film. How appropriate we thought. [spoiler alert] The baby dies. KT would not let me ring this friend and tell her off. Come on!

Anyway we might hear from the hospital tomorrow and get the levels and in the meantime we are pretty good as gold girls. Plus when she sits up she is nauseated. I want her to vomit with it.

recap

It is the end of another year- a time to pat the cat and reflect on one's life. Some big changes may be afoot anytime soon so I think a rundown of what we have been through is in order-save any new readers from scaling back through the blog.

I'll try to keep it snappy:

It all started in-

November 2006- This was before the blog. I was 33. The blog, according to my first entry in April 2007 was to vent my angst. But yes, the journey started here. We started the very first insems with our friend and Donor Dad (DD). Then I got pregnant, like, immediately and life was ring-a-ring-a-rosy. (It was seriously as though I had a pocket full of posies.)

January 2007- Then I had a miscarriage at ten weeks. It was unspeakably shit-awful. KT180 and I looked after each other so much and our relationship strengthened a fuckload. All three of us would-be-parents were determined to try again asap.

March 2007- We started trying again. (The hospital had told us to wait three months: which is a crock.)

April 2007- This blog was born. Borne of the frustration of trying to determine when I ovulated. God, we spent a lot of money on those wee sticks.

September 2007 – Finally, we got me up the duff again. Not much blogging went on.

October 2007 – Miscarriage number two. This time we were warned by a heartbreaking dating scan at eight weeks that showed a six week foetus and no heartbeat. A couple days later –as planned- I had the miscarriage at home in the middle of the night with KT to soothe me and drug me with stocked up nurofens. My mother had also given us some endone she keeps on hand for such occasions but I didn’t take it in the end. It was the right thing not to go to hospital. Hospital really sucked the first time except I really needed the morphine. This time I was brave as all get out. And very angry.

December 2007 – We started trying again, agreeing I got to have one more go at being pregnant before we switched biological mothers. I did kinesiology and homeopathy to “break the cycle of miscarriage”. I was assured I would be great guns next time. I felt really positive. We were glad to see the back end of 2007.

March 2008- Pregnancy number three.

March 2008-Miscarriage number three at about 5 weeks. Steee-riiike!

April 2008- KT’s parents sent us away for Easter and we discovered the therapeutic benefits of screen-printing. I did most of my clothes.

April 2008- Trying to get investigations underway for me. Took effing forever and came up with no results.

June 2008- By the time thirteen weeks of just sitting around on our arses waiting for an appointment and a result from the miscarriage clinic had passed, and still no answers, we started to think we should start trying to make a baby in KT before one of us died. So we started, and I chilled out for the first time in ages.

July 2008- We did a couple of months of insems with KT until our Donor Dad started acting all weird and distant and took some precious biological time out to think things over. I turned 35.

August 2008- I started fertility treatment with acupuncture and Chinese medicine and the most unbelievably strict elimination anti-candida diet.

October 2008- KT turned 34.

November 2008- Our Donor Dad quit. He changed his mind about being a parent. (Which we thought was just fucken fantastic.)

December 2008-Without further ado we started asking gay men we knew if they wanted to be dads and co-parents. We then started interviewing the ones who were interested. It was the weirdest time ever. We met the lads and found them to be perfect. The most exciting thing about them was that they were enthusiastic about parenting. We were glad to see the back of 2008.

December 2008- KT stopped ovulating altogether from shock and grief.

January 2009- We locked in the lads, M & J. We started hanging out with them and sorting out a lot of business.

February 2009- KT started fertility acupuncture. I stopped fertility acupuncture. KT started the crazy diet. I continued to be her personal chef.

June 2009- We found out that KT is a cystic fibrosis carrier and possibly a polycystic ovary carrier.

July 2009- We found out that M is not a CF carrier. We started inseminating KT. I turned 36.

Aug-Dec- Jizzarama and many negative preg tests. Not sure when or if KT ovulates.

December 2009- We paid to have KT’s fallopian tubes, ovaries and uterus looked at. They were very good. Her ovaries are both polycystic which is a bit of a problem with ovulating but not dreadful. We were able to see the egg that was about to drop on the scan. We were able to predict when it would drop. Possibly worth the five hundred bucks, who can say?

December 2009- We are glad to see the back of 2009, but not in a horrid, hateful way. We're hopeful and happy and hip. And looking forward to the year of the Tiger.

Merry Christmas/New year people. More soon.

xmz

mry xmz readers
we were hoping to tell everyone we were pregnant for xmz but we canne do it.

we visited a friend in hozzie the other day coz she just had a newborn baby. the experience was obviously fabulous and a bit sad, yeh? Yeh. Fair a fucken nuff, you say. But did we get a hold of the baby? No we did not. This was apparently because Das HozPitaal told my friend that they should only let the parents hold the baby. Um..WTF?

What will they tell us when we're in there and we have 4 parents and 150 grannies and aunts and friends? Get fucked..my mum knows almost everything and she reckons the best thing in the world for a baby is for it to be passed around and breathed on and cuddled by all and sundry.

The baby was lovely and I look forward to getting to know it.

A lot of people get a bit funny when they get a baby. Not these above mentioned friends, but there is a thing that happens (do you notice it?) .they become all Nuclear. Any tripe they spouted previously about the baby being one of the community/extended-invented family/it-takes-a-village-to-raise-a-child is forgotten AS SOON AS THE BABY IS OUT OF THEM. Suddenly John Howard Posters get put up in the nursery and the Liberal Party mentality of the nuclear family and the rights of the individual and look out for yourself and yours seeps in under the doors in the night and gets into the aircon.

With some wonderful, glorious exceptions.

my quiche is ready to come out of the oven and i have to put my teaching timesheets in now. toodleoo.

ps i know i have been a bit of a narky dog lately. i am actually in therapy now so hopefully i will cheer the fuck up.

amazing what this cat has seen.

We are starting a little bit to come up with a game plan for not getting a baby out of either of us. It involves going overseas and shit like that. Maybe fostering. We are not giving up- and just quietly a lot of people let go of what they really want and stop clutching and gripping so darn hard and then it comes to them.

I have started to let go -ever so slightly. This is a mental, spiritual practice. Let it be known I am still sucking fresh warm jizz into a five mill plactic syringe at least 10 times a month. Not the syringe I melted on the stove. That has been replaced.

We are also talking about methods, and possibly looking into changing them, but not dramatically. Since I was able to get pregnant so easily a friend suggested if things don't work out getting KT preggas, we get me preggas and then implant KT with the zygote or whatever it would be then before my body rejects it. Now isn't that a great case of making lemonade. We do seem to be lemons in a couple of ways. But actually that idea sounds hard and I'm sick of hard. If we switch to me it will be after I have been prepped and herbed up for several months and hopefully infallible.

You'll notice there have not been many posts in recent months. Some people are terrific writers when they are depressed or down. I am just a snide bitch -a state that adds some colour (blue) to the posts but is generally crap to read. Or I am a boring turd which leeches all colour from the writing and mixes metaphors like a stick blender.

There have been lots of other things happening. Recently I taught a nine year old dwarf improvisation, for example.