surge

Day 33. Dear Blog,
today my temperature soared and the wee tests said i was in surge mode and not preggas. i surged, i ovulated on the weekend. Just a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bit later than expected. We all gave up, GF, DD and me. We read it would be a runt egg by the time we got it and not reccommended for use to make a human with. Apparently fertilisation would not sustain growth for very long. GP (General Practicioner, not a code name) did not necessarily agree with this theory, but thought maybe i was too stressed out to try to make a baby anyway. That and the threat of another miscarriage - even the vague, wholistic, hippy, niche market of obsessive health freaks threat- is enough to freak us all out beyond comprehension so we've laid this cycle off. Let it go. Made it redundant.

Feeling better, happier, wanting to do nice things for self like eat fruit and put maca powder in smoothies. Wanting to increase fertility and chances of conception next cycle or so. Getting into headspsce that the world does not owe me a pregnancy, just because it took one away. I really could be forgiven for thinking it did, though. I just want to make that clear. I am being the bigger person here.

Held a lot of babies over the weekend. I'd like to thank them for possibly causing the belated ovulation.

I'd like to thank my GF for staying by me during the sobbing fits and the isolation tanks.

That'll do.