recap

It is the end of another year- a time to pat the cat and reflect on one's life. Some big changes may be afoot anytime soon so I think a rundown of what we have been through is in order-save any new readers from scaling back through the blog.

I'll try to keep it snappy:

It all started in-

November 2006- This was before the blog. I was 33. The blog, according to my first entry in April 2007 was to vent my angst. But yes, the journey started here. We started the very first insems with our friend and Donor Dad (DD). Then I got pregnant, like, immediately and life was ring-a-ring-a-rosy. (It was seriously as though I had a pocket full of posies.)

January 2007- Then I had a miscarriage at ten weeks. It was unspeakably shit-awful. KT180 and I looked after each other so much and our relationship strengthened a fuckload. All three of us would-be-parents were determined to try again asap.

March 2007- We started trying again. (The hospital had told us to wait three months: which is a crock.)

April 2007- This blog was born. Borne of the frustration of trying to determine when I ovulated. God, we spent a lot of money on those wee sticks.

September 2007 – Finally, we got me up the duff again. Not much blogging went on.

October 2007 – Miscarriage number two. This time we were warned by a heartbreaking dating scan at eight weeks that showed a six week foetus and no heartbeat. A couple days later –as planned- I had the miscarriage at home in the middle of the night with KT to soothe me and drug me with stocked up nurofens. My mother had also given us some endone she keeps on hand for such occasions but I didn’t take it in the end. It was the right thing not to go to hospital. Hospital really sucked the first time except I really needed the morphine. This time I was brave as all get out. And very angry.

December 2007 – We started trying again, agreeing I got to have one more go at being pregnant before we switched biological mothers. I did kinesiology and homeopathy to “break the cycle of miscarriage”. I was assured I would be great guns next time. I felt really positive. We were glad to see the back end of 2007.

March 2008- Pregnancy number three.

March 2008-Miscarriage number three at about 5 weeks. Steee-riiike!

April 2008- KT’s parents sent us away for Easter and we discovered the therapeutic benefits of screen-printing. I did most of my clothes.

April 2008- Trying to get investigations underway for me. Took effing forever and came up with no results.

June 2008- By the time thirteen weeks of just sitting around on our arses waiting for an appointment and a result from the miscarriage clinic had passed, and still no answers, we started to think we should start trying to make a baby in KT before one of us died. So we started, and I chilled out for the first time in ages.

July 2008- We did a couple of months of insems with KT until our Donor Dad started acting all weird and distant and took some precious biological time out to think things over. I turned 35.

August 2008- I started fertility treatment with acupuncture and Chinese medicine and the most unbelievably strict elimination anti-candida diet.

October 2008- KT turned 34.

November 2008- Our Donor Dad quit. He changed his mind about being a parent. (Which we thought was just fucken fantastic.)

December 2008-Without further ado we started asking gay men we knew if they wanted to be dads and co-parents. We then started interviewing the ones who were interested. It was the weirdest time ever. We met the lads and found them to be perfect. The most exciting thing about them was that they were enthusiastic about parenting. We were glad to see the back of 2008.

December 2008- KT stopped ovulating altogether from shock and grief.

January 2009- We locked in the lads, M & J. We started hanging out with them and sorting out a lot of business.

February 2009- KT started fertility acupuncture. I stopped fertility acupuncture. KT started the crazy diet. I continued to be her personal chef.

June 2009- We found out that KT is a cystic fibrosis carrier and possibly a polycystic ovary carrier.

July 2009- We found out that M is not a CF carrier. We started inseminating KT. I turned 36.

Aug-Dec- Jizzarama and many negative preg tests. Not sure when or if KT ovulates.

December 2009- We paid to have KT’s fallopian tubes, ovaries and uterus looked at. They were very good. Her ovaries are both polycystic which is a bit of a problem with ovulating but not dreadful. We were able to see the egg that was about to drop on the scan. We were able to predict when it would drop. Possibly worth the five hundred bucks, who can say?

December 2009- We are glad to see the back of 2009, but not in a horrid, hateful way. We're hopeful and happy and hip. And looking forward to the year of the Tiger.

Merry Christmas/New year people. More soon.

xmz

mry xmz readers
we were hoping to tell everyone we were pregnant for xmz but we canne do it.

we visited a friend in hozzie the other day coz she just had a newborn baby. the experience was obviously fabulous and a bit sad, yeh? Yeh. Fair a fucken nuff, you say. But did we get a hold of the baby? No we did not. This was apparently because Das HozPitaal told my friend that they should only let the parents hold the baby. Um..WTF?

What will they tell us when we're in there and we have 4 parents and 150 grannies and aunts and friends? Get fucked..my mum knows almost everything and she reckons the best thing in the world for a baby is for it to be passed around and breathed on and cuddled by all and sundry.

The baby was lovely and I look forward to getting to know it.

A lot of people get a bit funny when they get a baby. Not these above mentioned friends, but there is a thing that happens (do you notice it?) .they become all Nuclear. Any tripe they spouted previously about the baby being one of the community/extended-invented family/it-takes-a-village-to-raise-a-child is forgotten AS SOON AS THE BABY IS OUT OF THEM. Suddenly John Howard Posters get put up in the nursery and the Liberal Party mentality of the nuclear family and the rights of the individual and look out for yourself and yours seeps in under the doors in the night and gets into the aircon.

With some wonderful, glorious exceptions.

my quiche is ready to come out of the oven and i have to put my teaching timesheets in now. toodleoo.

ps i know i have been a bit of a narky dog lately. i am actually in therapy now so hopefully i will cheer the fuck up.

amazing what this cat has seen.

We are starting a little bit to come up with a game plan for not getting a baby out of either of us. It involves going overseas and shit like that. Maybe fostering. We are not giving up- and just quietly a lot of people let go of what they really want and stop clutching and gripping so darn hard and then it comes to them.

I have started to let go -ever so slightly. This is a mental, spiritual practice. Let it be known I am still sucking fresh warm jizz into a five mill plactic syringe at least 10 times a month. Not the syringe I melted on the stove. That has been replaced.

We are also talking about methods, and possibly looking into changing them, but not dramatically. Since I was able to get pregnant so easily a friend suggested if things don't work out getting KT preggas, we get me preggas and then implant KT with the zygote or whatever it would be then before my body rejects it. Now isn't that a great case of making lemonade. We do seem to be lemons in a couple of ways. But actually that idea sounds hard and I'm sick of hard. If we switch to me it will be after I have been prepped and herbed up for several months and hopefully infallible.

You'll notice there have not been many posts in recent months. Some people are terrific writers when they are depressed or down. I am just a snide bitch -a state that adds some colour (blue) to the posts but is generally crap to read. Or I am a boring turd which leeches all colour from the writing and mixes metaphors like a stick blender.

There have been lots of other things happening. Recently I taught a nine year old dwarf improvisation, for example.

boom

every single time i turn on facebook or email or talk to anyone, a new person is pregnant and having baby showers and jumping for joy. every single fucking time. i come home and on my doorstep is a local mag that i never read. it has "BABY BOOM IN THE INNER WEST" all over the front. Well, that explains it. Fabulous.

It's nearly the end of another year

What does this mean? Nothing. Goodbye.

starting a new cycle. rolling along. eating a lot of pizza. crossing a lot of fingers.

melt down

You know when you put something on the stove and then quickly check your emails and facebook? Like, every day, yeah? Yeah well last week I put the 5ml plastic syringe and the specimen jar (you know the ones with the yellow lids) in the little enamal bowl that I have been using to steralise the tools of procreation, with the boiling water -and quickly checked my email and facebook. Somehow, forty five minutes later, there was a terrible burning-of-plastic smell coming from the kitchen. God I wish I had taken a photo.

My new recipe shall be: "Jiz instrument soup".
Half a cup of boiling water, one 5ml syringe, one specimen jar- emptied & washed out but perhaps some jiz residue. Abandon for 45minutes or until the arse has been burnt off the pot and your plastic implements look like a salvidor dali painting.

I am taking the accident as a good sign that we will not need them again.

Have to go now- left something on the stove.